The Dowry System 

Today, I witnessed something different ,something  which  made  me write this .Actually, what happened is , I participated in marriage ceremony. Yes,   A MARRIAGE CEREMONY. I am emphasizing this because it was quiet surprising for me as I didn’t saw a marriage there, all I saw was a boy being bought by the girl’s parents paying huge sum of money, a red pulsar of 250cc and other luxurious items. And the most awful part was boy was not satisfied with what he got. It seemed like he was not there for his life-partner rather he was in market BARGAINING for so many things.

 Initially, seeing all those luxurious items as a dowry and those arrangements made in the marriage, I thought she (the bride) must belong to a rich family. But, I was yet to face the reality, the reality that was hiding behind the big tent house, made and beautifully decorated especially for marriage. After some time, when I went out of the tent, I was not surprised this time; I was just shocked with what I saw. I saw an L-shaped four roomed house with straw coated roof. It didn’t have proper windows and doors too. Tent made for ceremony was thousand times better than the house. It was hidden just behind the tent as tent was made in the front of the house. Seeing all this so many questions started hitting my mind .Is this really the bride’s house? If yes, how did they manage that entire dowry? Why didn’t they deny for dowry? Why are they showing off unnecessarily in the marriage? And so on..  Therefore, I started talking with the people there. One after another serious fact was disclosed. I came to know that the bride’s father labored night and day in Saudi Arab for 6 years to make this wedding possible. I also came to know that the girl was rejected several times by several men, as her father was not able to fulfill the demanded dowry.  AND this time this groom had hit the jackpot and he got the dowry because he asked somehow less than what other asked.

At the mean time I saw another surprising event there. After  SHOYAMBAR (ring  exchanging ceremony ) , the bride’s party had two views  one group they were saying  it’s time to serve the food to the BARATI and the other one they just denied it strictly saying NAHI PAHELEY TILAK DEKHENGAY USHKEY BAAD KHANA(no let’s have a look at tilak (clothes and other materials brought by groom)  first ) . After a short discussion, they came to a conclusion and decided to look at the tilak first. Then, another drama started there. 8/10 male from bride’s side sat making a big circle and a person from the groom’s side brought the suitcase which contained all the materials for bride. Commenting started right from the suitcase KAISEY SUITCASE HEY YEI AAUR ACCHA NAHI MILA KYA? (What kind of suitcase is this didn’t you find better than this?) , there was a yellow colored sari and they said BOLBAM JANEY KA SARI HEY KI SADI KA SARI HEY YEI (is this sari for marriage or bolbam?), watch and payal was missing and this was enough for them and they started shouting at the groom’s representative .one of them said HUM NE BIKE, 1 LAKH RUPEY, AAUR ITHNA SAMAN DEYE TUM AAEK PYAL AUR GHADI NAHI LYA SAKTHEY? A serious conflict started here. He lied saying we misplaced it mistakenly, it’s in home. We will give her once she reaches home. And they agreed. And the problem was solved.

I had read about dowry culture in the madhesi society, but today it was happening live. I used to think why are women burnt alive just for money? I think I got my answer today. Everything is set up right from the day of marriage. I am sure they don’t have that payal and watch. But, the bride is sure to ask the pyal and watch, if not she her parents will definitely ask for it. This will surely create a serious conflict between two families and it is the bride who had to suffer from it. Might be those brides who were burnt alive are the results of similar lies as that for pyal and watch in today’s marriage. Previously, I used to think it’s due to lack of education. But I was wrong, it’s not due to lack of education, knowledge or awareness. The groom himself is a bachelor degree holder. If it was due to lack of education or awareness, this groom should have denied dowry but he didn’t denied instead he asked more showing his bachelor’s certificate. Problem is not with the education or awareness. The real problem is their mind’s setup. Their mind has been set up so nicely that even the best education system in the world cannot change it. The only thing I felt is, the dowry system is unstoppable because the same girl she will ask for the dowry when her son gets married after 20/25 years and this will just continue. It’s impossible until people change their mind themselves and in the current situation it’s not going to happen at least not for another 4/5 decades.